Battlestar Melodramatica
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Woah. Let's back up a minute. Battlestar Galactica is getting pretty stupid, right? No? Is it just me? You saw it that last episode, right? Like, the scene where Edward James Olmos, alone in his cabin, punches out the mirror, downs a bottle of space-whiskey and then (cut without transition) is found inconsolably weeping in his son's arms, in a scene edited exactly like a Warner Brothers cartoon? If you didn't burst into laughter at that point you must have ice water running through your veins. The show has already become pornography for those who really like to see military types saluting, weeping, or, preferably, both. But this was too much. Fine, I do get it. I do. Edward james Olmos is a good actor, he works really hard, and has been rewarded with a lot of bit parts. I can picture it in my head, how we came to this. Flash back five years. Olmos, fresh from walk-on parts in The West Wing and Touched by an Angel, gets a call from his agent:
AGENT
Eddie, I've got a regular gig for you. Okay, don't get mad. Promise you won't get mad.
OLMOS
I won't get mad, I promise.
AGENT
This could be a regular franchise type of thing. Regular work.
OLMOS
Give it to me.
AGENT
They're remaking Battlestar Galactica for the Sci Fi Network.
OLMOS
Oh, for Christ's...
AGENT
You'll be the lead, Eddie.
OLMOS
(Sigh.) What am I in this one, the Mexican space-drug smuggler? Or, what, the hard-nosed Mexican chief of the space-police? Just give it to me straight.
AGENT
Space captain, sir. You'll be the space captain, or general, or something. The boss.
OLMOS
Just send me the script. I've got to eat. Listen, I've got the one request..
AGENT
I know, Eddie...
OLMOS
I won't wear tights. No fucking tights.
WEEKS PASS
OLMOS
This isn't too bad. Lot's of dialogue, which is nice.
AGENT
And it's a franchise type of thing, potentially.
OLMOS
Let's do this.
TWO YEARS LATER
OLMOS
"Heavy is the head that wears the crown." What do you think?
AGENT
Great, Eddie. What is that, Shakespeare?
OLMOS
Fantastic stuff. Hey, you get any director gigs for me?
AGENT
Just Battlestar, but I'm working on it.
OLMOS
I need to direct. I've got to get in that seat, man.
AGENT
Genius like yours can't be put out to pasture, Eddie. I'm working on it.
OLMOS
Hey, what did you think about that scene where I busted up after finding out Ty was a Cylon?
AGENT
I'll tell you the truth, Eddie. (beat) I was weeping when I saw that.
OLMOS
That's quality television.
AGENT
You're not wrong.
OLMOS
I really felt it, man. I felt that one.
posted by Greg Purcell @ 12:57 PM,
2 Comments:
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At 9:19 PM,
jhr said...
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This post has been removed by the author.
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At 9:21 PM,
jhr said...
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Olmos
Get Michael Mann on the phone.
