Dear Former Barnes and Noble Customers
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
That Barnes and Noble over on Astor Place was pretty cool, huh? What did it have, three floors? Three floors on which to kick back, have a little breakfast, drink your soda pop, have a little snack of ice cream, crumbly cookies, etc. You could take a little nap there, right? A little nap in the Military section, using a pillow made from books on the fearsome Messerschmidt 262. I get sleepy just thinking about it. To ensure good blood flow, you may have even grabbed a fat stack of books on Raw Foods you got from the Cooking section and tucked them behind your knees. Woah, wait... Military? Cooking? Those aren't the same sections, right? No problem; they had employees to take care of that for you, wheeling their little carts around. Maybe you even had a crush on one of those little babies. Too bad it closed.
Now you're all coming into St. Mark's Bookshop, and we appreciate the business. Sorry about the legroom. Please, don't let it stop you from actually curling up right in our most heavily trafficked aisles. It's true you might find our business culture a touch unfamiliar at first. Most of us are hired on the basis of actually knowing something about the books we sell, and assume that our customers will need help in one or another aspect of book selection. We have a small staff and this keeps us pretty productive. If lately we seem a little derelict in regard to those duties, it may be because we've been focusing our attentions elsewhere. On small things. Like, for a long time we've had customers who could employ a few basic skills, such as standing upright, and alphabetization. This made them capable of reshelving books they'd pulled down without any assistance from us, even on some of the higher shelfs. No longer. Half our days are spent now cleaning up after our customers, tearing down little book towers with filthy Starbucks-cup spires and restocking them. Did I say Starbuck's cups? I meant also to say Pinkberry cups, Raisinets bags, ticket stubs, broken wine bottles, used tissue, half-eaten McDonald's hamburgers and splayed-out Village Voices. I guess those little diamonds-in-the-rough over at B & N used to take care of that for you, huh? College kids are great; they'll do anything. They're like coal miners except they vote for Obama.
Oh, and to answer your questions: 1) no, sorry, we don't have any books on Dreamweaver; 2) you'll find The Secret under New Age, in the aisle just past philosophy; and 3) our bathroom is in the back. You're welcome to use it as long as you can find a college student to come in and clean it at the end of the day.
Please come again.
Thanks,
The St. Mark's Bookshop Staff
posted by Greg Purcell @ 10:48 AM,
